Thursday, June 3, 2010


Six years ago I decided to come out of the pantry and join the community of openly asexual people. It has been a weird, wonderful and sometimes painful ride. And I'm still hanging in there and hanging out on the site.

The weird: Do I really need to go into this part? Asexuals in general are strange people. Seriously. First of all, we sit around griping about what some people seem to think is the most awesome thing ever. Sex is everywhere these days. It's in our magazines, on our TVs and radios, in most of our movies. It's so overdone. And with all that some people still go online and consume mass quantities of porn. Clearly, we're the weird ones.

And what's with the cat obsession? They're cute and furry and warm and all that but… wow!

In fact, I don't think I've met any asexuals who weren't weird or even downright bizarre. The asexy life is spicy.

The wonderful: I have met many people through AVEN to whom I've become close. I've even traveled across the country to meet with some of them. In November 2006 I flew to NYC and met up with eight other AVENites, seven of whom I had never met before. And, as of this writing, I have met around 30 people in person who identify as asexual.

And then there are the people I've met only online. They're great people and I want to meet them in person but the opportunity hasn't presented itself. If it did I would definitely take it. But, since it hasn't I have to be content hanging out with them in the chat room. C'est la vie… or something.

The painful: Most of the people I have met on AVEN no longer hang out there. Online friends sometimes feel as important to me as my offline friends, but they too come and go. I've lost count of how many people I've met on the site over the years who have stopped coming there. Those I talked to in the chat room I especially miss.

And there are also the romantic (or, in some case, pseudo-romantic) relationships I've had with other asexuals. None of them have worked out. Sometimes that was my fault and sometimes it wasn't but it still hurt every time to say good-bye.

With everything I've learned there about other people and about myself I am grateful to AVEN and its creator, David Jay, for the opportunity to explore this facet of my being. And I look forward to many years to come.

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